Unexpected

The flashes of memory come unexpectedly. Reading the newspaper article about Gabby Giffords this morning flashed me to a memory of a nurse putting something into Paul's I.V. bag and me asking what it was.

Another flash to the kind, kind, direct gaze of the doctor as he said "no" in response to my question, "So there's no hope?"

I cringe as I feel the pain and horror once again. I let myself dwell in the memories and feel the pain for a bit.

Then I go on reading the paper.

Five years ago those memories, and others, were constantly on my mind, no let up, as my mind processed the horrible reality.

Sometimes I'd beg God for relief.

Slowly, slowly, as time passed, my mind could think on other things for longer and longer periods of time.

No longer a constant torment, the memories are still there, waiting to pop up when prompted.

And it's OK. I've learned to welcome the jabs of pain, the remembering.

Memories processed.
Reality accepted.

Yet I will never forget and never fail to be horrified.