"It’s the neverness that is so painful. Never again to be here with us – never to sit with us at the table, never to travel with us, never to laugh with us, never to cry with us, never to embrace us as he leaves for school, never to see his brothers & sisters marry.

All the rest of our lives we must live with out him. Only our death can stop the pain of his death. A month, a year, five years – with that I could live. But not this forever.

I step outdoors into the moist moldy fragrance of an early summer morning and arm in arm with my enjoyment comes the realization that never again will he smell this.

As a cloud vanishes and is gone,
So he who goes down to the grave does not return,
He will never come to his house again;
his place will know him no more. Job 7:9-10

One small misstep and now this endless neverness."


From Lament For A Son by Nicholas
Wolterstorff

This is becoming one of my favorite books. I read just a page at a time, pondering the thoughts
of this grieving father, feeling his feelings and his pain. I wish I could put things into words like he does. But I can't, so it helps to read what others have written.

Why are some days, some weeks, harder than others? I honestly don't know. I just know that
this past week has been terribly painful, the pain acute as Paul's face flashes across my mind so often. I have been so depressed.............but it is "grief depression", as I like to call it; just something that must be gone through.

I am so tired of grief, but don't see an end in sight. Because Paul will NEVER come back through the door again, never call me on the phone, never text message me, never drive up in his truck, never clomp through the house, never laugh at a silly joke, never make some awful concoction in the kitchen, never play with his daughter, never be there for his sister, never help his father paint, never, never, never................................