Oct. 25, 2008

And I quote, "It is not, therefore, the experience of loss that becomes the defining moment of our lives........IT IS HOW WE RESPOND TO LOSS THAT MATTERS. That response will largely determine the quality, the direction, and the impact of our lives...............recovery from such a (catastrophic) loss is an unrealistic and even harmful expectation, if by recovery we mean resuming the way we lived and felt prior to the loss..................Response involves the CHOICES we make, the GRACE we receive, and ultimately the TRANSFORMATION we experience in the loss."
Excerpt from "A Grace Disguised" by Jerry Sittser

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In one week & 5 days, well really, one week and 4 days, plus the 5th day, my family will face the "it's been three years since Paul was hurt and died". So I'm re-reading this wonderful book on grief. It's the one that has impacted me the most. I say that two days are hard, because Paul was stabbed on November 5th, early in the morning, and we spent the entire day and that night in the hospital, making decisions no parent should ever have to make, and then just waiting for God's timing for him to die.

He died on the 6th, but honestly, the 5th is a tougher day for me.That was the hardest day, the day of facing what was going to happen, coming to terms with it, waiting for it.By the day of the 6th, I knew it would happen, knew that some good would come out of it by the organ donations. And he died early that morning, 5:05.

Grief is always there, it changes form and substance. But this time of year and certain dates force me to stop long enough to feel what I'm feeling and work through my emotions. So today I remind myself that I never will "get over it", but I can respond in a positive way.